I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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