Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
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