Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
kristin has been a bad kristin
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Randomize
