I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Randomize
