So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
