At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
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