my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
