your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
