Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
