i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
