So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize