yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Randomize
