Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
The uberlube is also flammable
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
Randomize