he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
