I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Randomize
