apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Randomize
