We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Randomize
