lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
