nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Randomize
