At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
