I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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