Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
