there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
