Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
