Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
