she kept yelling 'call me bella'
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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