dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Randomize
