As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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