Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
