i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
