How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
