I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Randomize
