I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
I think my moral compass just broke
Randomize
