The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
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