but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize