My friends, they love my intelligence
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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