she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
