Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
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