My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
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