Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
