may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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