I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Randomize
