i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
Randomize
