The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
Operation Purity has been aborted
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
