I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
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