He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize