last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
Randomize
