I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
porn star boner night. come get it.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
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