five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
It's like God shit irony all over that family
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
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