So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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