I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
