so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Randomize
