Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
