Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
My ass is underappreciated
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
