Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Randomize