Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize