It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
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