im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Randomize
