I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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