The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Randomize
