wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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