do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
