In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
No awkward lesbian experiences without me
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
This gyro tastes like lonliness
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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