Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
we should paint friendship bongs
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
