I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
no. you can't hotbox the world.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
