Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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