Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
