You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
