wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Randomize
