3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
