Your tits are I can't wait for
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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