Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
