as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
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