this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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