why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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