You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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